be honest, be yourself

one thing that I probably find difficult is, being honest and being myself. i sometimes find myself thinking about what others think of me, so much so that I can’t be myself. and I think that very much on the whole, one thing I love about alvin is that he doesn’t give a shit what people think. he doesn’t care, and that’s why he’s always honest about himself and being himself. and for that I really admire him, I am learning how to be more like that, and I do hope to be eventually be honest with myself about myself, and would likely to make more decisive decisions this way, and a happier me. I don’t know if it make sense to anyone, but it make sense to me!

and a verse that encouraged me today, “for all promises of God are yes and amen” telling me that God promises will come, He will make it happen. it’s easy to doom and gloom but it’s a much better feeling to know “God knows the plans He has for you, to give you hope and a future”.

sometimes I get these split personas, and doubt myself about the decision I made, and I could be troubled about it half a day for a few days. but I would really just want to stop these crazy voices in my head, which mostly sound really stupid when I tell someone else, so why do I even think about it? fear, scared, anxiety, I have a lot of those and I’m learning how to let go.

I think for the past few months I have been learning how to let go about many things, and I see the areas which I let go, they don’t worry me, they don’t trouble me, they go smoothly so I also want that in my career. I admit that I am very paranoid about my career now, so I’m going to let go- slowly, still learning , and let God take care of it.

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